Another birthday has arrived in my family. This time it’s the anniversary of the birth of my youngest, Sean. He has turned seven.
Dear Sean,
Out of all the kids, you were the only one truly “planned.” All of your brothers were wanted, and without a doubt all meant to be born. You were the only one, though, the only one I actually followed some sort of plan, followed the calander and my cycles, the one I decided the time, so to speak, of your birth, instead of just letting it happen. Funny. Once again here I was thinking I was in control of a situation. In the end the joke was on me.
You were the only birth I struggled with, though not to the degree other mothers have struggled. It turned out I had very little control over what was happening. I don’t remember a whole lot, but your father does. He remembers feeling afraid, for both of us. For a short time I guess we got into trouble, but we pulled through. I ended up with a broken tailbone, and you a broken collarbone. Your first nickname was “little broken wing,” I had to keep your arm immobilized for 3 weeks until it healed. Meantime I couldn’t figure out why it was hell to try and sit! Spent quite a while either lying down or standing! I didn’t realize until later what had happened to me. But we both healed up fine. You still love hearing about how you had a little broken wing.
From the start you had an easy going, laid back temperament. Even as a baby you went with the flow. By now I was much more laid back too, I was a much better mother in my 30s than I was in my 20s. In many ways I think I behave more like a grandmother than I do a mother, especially with you. The spread between my first two boys and you & your brother puts about a generation between you guys. Pretty close anyway, over nine years between the two groups. Then there’s my age. By the time you were born I was 36. Not uncommon to have children so late, especially today, but I remember thinking that my grandmother was 36 when I was born-but then she had just had HER last child, my uncle, just 18 days before I was born. Maybe times haven’t changed so much after all…
Growing into toddler hood you still maintained your sweet personality. You learned early that you liked to make people laugh, and you still are the clown in the family. You are also the most active, I can hear you run up and down the hallway over and over again just because you like to. While watching T.V. you practice your handstands over and over again, trying to beat your record of 14 seconds before coming back down. You have already learned to like challenging yourself.
Not long ago I started finding tiny pictures on the walls. They were scratchy, stick figures, the largest only about two inches tall. From a distance they just look like smudges, and I almost wiped off one of the figures but then noticed what it was. Sometimes just one, sometimes two or three in a group, all the figures have tiny smiles.
I found one on top of the T.V set, in pencil. Then another on the tablecloth, in pen. In my twenties I may have gotten upset with you. I hope not. I KNOW I would have cleaned them off. Today I’m a different person. Although I did guide you-several times-to start drawing on paper, I refuse to wipe off the art on my walls. I double-check all smudges before wiping! The artwork will stay. Maybe you’re just “marking” your territory. Maybe it was just fun. All I know is that you, little one, will not stay little for long. I like having the evidence of your sweet innocence, there on my walls, the marks of childhood that will all too soon fade to the past. Happy birthday, my gentle one. I love you very much. Mom
My attempt at poetry-never claimed to be one, but needed to get these words down as best I could. Thanks- Midnight
Driving home this morning from work, I noticed something strange in the Eastern sky. What was that..? LIGHT?? The SUN??? Well not quite. But no doubt about it, the days ARE getting longer- my morning drive is getting lighter...Spring is not far behind..YYEESS!!
